Helping our grands to feel included

Have you ever held a family event that is geared toward adults, but the little ones overhear all the planning and excitement and get really excited themselves to be included? 

That happened in our family when our youngest daughter got married last year. She is our youngest child, and her older siblings each have children who adore their auntie and her (then) fiancé.  My daughter and her fiancé had decided up front that would not have any young children attend their wedding, for various reasons.  As a family, we supported that decision 100%. 

The glitch came when my grands began to get excited to “go to the wedding”!  No one had the heart to tell them they weren’t going to be there to see their auntie’s special moment! So together, as a family, we hatched a plan to have a second “wedding” in the backyard. My adult kids went all out to make it feel special, with festive decorations and food geared toward the grands. And the grands helped with some of the planning, too—they felt very involved, and the excitement built!  

That afternoon, they participated as attendants and loved watching the bride and groom exchange their vows. The (early) night ended with a dance party! It turned out to be a win/win for everyone—a joyful day for our family, and a wonderful feeling of inclusion and a special memory for the kids. I’m so happy we found this unique way to include them this very special time for our family. 

There are times when having the littles attend a grown-up event doesn’t work logistically or for other reasons. But there are ways to think outside the box and keep them involved. One New Year’s Eve a few years ago we had a countdown and wished everyone a “Happy New Year” early in the evening. We found a countdown to watch on TV so they got to feel the excitement of ringing in the New Year. And every year at Discovery Museum we host “Bessie’s Rockin’ Noon Years Eve,” an event where kids and their grown-ups join the staff to make party hats and noise makers for a countdown to a noon ball drop—and wear their favorite pajamas if they choose! 

There are ways to include your grands in smaller events too. If you are planning an adult get-together at your home that may include people they know and care about, incorporate them into the event ahead of time by letting them help with selecting or making snacks, straightening up a room, setting the table, or making decorations or a special sign. It really is about including them in whatever way feels right and is appropriate for their age.   

The sense of pride they will feel for helping with preparations for a special person to visit will be a nice connection between you and perhaps create a wonderful memory—something I am always trying to find ways to do with my grands! 

What fun or special ways have you tried—or might like to try—to make your grands feel a part of the action and take pride in pitching in? Do you have any special memories of these times?